i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
