how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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