i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
