So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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