so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
