3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
