maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
