i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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