shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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