you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
