I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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