i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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