OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I understand Curling. That high.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
