I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
