So drunk, too bad you don't want this
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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