good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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