She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
