google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
