I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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