The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
