Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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