community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
