Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
