There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My butt remains clenched, sir.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
