k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
