stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize