Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
