i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dude. I can hear the air.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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