Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
