i don't like sucking hair
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
