ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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