I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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