im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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