Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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