I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
