when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I need to stop coming to work sober
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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