No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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