New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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