are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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