Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
