I am puke
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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