fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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