I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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