Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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