Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
