oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
