You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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