Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize