Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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