i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
