dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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