Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
