just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Boobs speak an international language.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
