did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
