I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
