Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
