Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
