My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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