I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize