I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
