i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
