The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
