I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
