Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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