Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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