Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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