this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
