6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
