Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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