I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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