we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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