OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
