I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The ass gains better be worth it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
