Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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